Hi,

So what if you are judged in your field because you are a woman in the male-dominated world?

So what if your male colleagues try to be more than a friend to you in some nasty ways?

So what if you are not performing as you dreamt of in your career?

These questions come in my mind everyday and roam all the time. Sometimes depresses me and sometimes encourages me to look ahead.

I am by profession a Civil Engineer and live & work in Pakistan. The Civil Engineering industry here is quite male-dominated and the mind-set of the industry is very rigid.

Being a woman, Choosing this field was the first time when I received negative reaction from the society because as per the perception of my relatives, my friend's families, my neighbors etc., this field was not meant for females. However, because of my interest I continued with this profession and acquired a four year degree in Bachelors of Civil Engineering from a very renowned university in Karachi.

The first obstacle was to find an appropriate job which now I thought was actually the one I got as my first job in terms of projects that company had. But the environment I faced was scariest.

In my first job, I was the only female in the office and everyone supposed to be very nice to me like I am their child or sister or may be someone in the future can be.

To work in this extremely good environment is also a threat in itself. First you will not be easily given a chance to grow and no new or different kind of work will be given to you as you are a child who has just born. I remember I spent my initial six months in just printing the documents for my colleagues as they used to guide me that always read what you print and you will learn even if it's someone's personal medical report huh.

But what disturbed me the most for almost few months is the harassment I faced by one of my colleagues. How does it feel when someone comes to your work station, stand there for almost an hour and ask you the same question over and over again that How are you?? and being a new born child in your profession you just have to keep smiling on that weird look, that annoying posture and that stupid question over and over again? And the story doesn't end here. You are also required to pay your regards to that one person as soon as you land in your office and give him at least 15 minutes of your daily work routine to answer the same question again and again. Also he is leveraged to examine you from head to toe for no reason and just to soothe his eyes.

How does it feel that being a woman or a girl or just in simple way being a female, someone treats you in the above way? It kills you from your inner-self. You cannot focus on your assigned tasks, you cannot perform what you actually dreamt of when you were graduating. Your all the dreams and expectations about working and thriving in your profession fall deep down and you just want to leave everything and go back to home. But the twist is you can't leave everything because you have responsibilities attached with you.

So what to do then? how to get out of this situation?  Asking a question is easy but the answer is not. It entirely depends on the will of a woman. Is she strong enough to deal with it or so fragile that to leave everything and go back home is the only option she thinks of? That one person took the smile from my face away and put me in deep stress, discomfort, lowered my confidence and I was as fragile as other girls usually are.

I was not strong enough but fortunately things went in my favor and that person was moved to another office. It was a sigh of relief and now I could focus on my performance, on my forward growth. Although somethings remained the same like printing the documents but at least I felt free.

That person gave me tough time and I couldn't do anything about it. I spent two years in that organization and experienced lots of troubles including the above but after spending eight years in my profession now I sometimes think what could have been done in that situation because not every girl is that much lucky?

From the birth of the baby girl till her whole life, the upbringing plays a vital role in making her strong or fragile. In the society where I live, the narrow-mindedness of people do not let girls to become career-oriented in life. The major focus is just on getting her married so that she may have children and a husband to take care off and in return she will be called as a house wife as a designation. This is all she can get and is also sufficient for her being a woman. Though it is important but still a part of life.

Though our parents provide us primary education and allow us to get higher education from good universities but still in their deeper selves they wish that we get some good Rishtas (marriage proposals) in the university times. I remember when I graduated and my mother was looking for some good marriage proposals for me, some of my neighbors used to say that you did nothing in your university time. You could have got some good proposals  there but you wasted your four years. Even some of my class-mates had this mission of finding a good boy at university so they might get settled with him after graduating. It sounds hilarious sometimes how we are brought up being a girl and what has been fed in our mind.

FEAR is the biggest obstacle in the way of success. Every girl has a fear or develop a fear during her life span and this fear is associated with being a FEMALE. As a female we are not allowed to enjoy things that males do and we have been inculcated with fear for the consequences of doing things that males do. Therefore, whenever we try to think of doing such things, the FEAR pops up and restricts us from moving forward with our aim. Those women who cut this FEAR out and move in their careers are literally performing amazingly. FEAR suppresses you, lowers your confidence. So whenever you FEAR from something either its changing your profession from a house wife to a working woman, or playing cricket, or starting a business just try to overcome it by thinking that FEAR will only let you down, people will say what they have to say but they are not living your life, they are not facing what you are facing so whatever the consequences will be you are the only one facing them and for that you need courage either it will be a success or an experience but it will be only yours and not the people's.

If I had that much courage and firm faith in Allah that no one can take my Rozee (earning) away from me I would have reported that harassment at the first place but like I said I was not strong enough I was weak in my Emaan, my upbringing, my surrounding, my distance from my religion prone me to this deadly FEAR and I faced the consequences of having fear in my heart. 

So whenever FEAR hits you try to overcome that through spending more time in reminding yourself that your life and the events in your life that going to happen are all written by your Lord and he knows what is best for us and he has put us in this situation and he will take us out. Believe me it will give you courage to fight the situation. Islam is the only religion that preserves the rights of Women and talks over Women Empowerment. In Islam you are allowed to do business, follow your dreams, become a house wife or a working woman whatever you want then how can the thinking of some people that are also the creation of ALLAH emerges FEAR in you? Try to think and try to evolve yourself from this FEAR. You are blessed to be born as a Muslim so don't fear people, fight them preserve your right, fight for your capabilities, for your competencies. Fight for you and this FEAR will go away.

Hats off to those who let this FEAR out and more power to those who are trying to!